Moms

I've been doing a lot of thinking about Moms lately. Not surprising, with the adoption home study, and all, but still. I never thought I'd be one, and I never thought I wouldn't have one. I really liked my mother. Not just because she was my mom, and you're supposed to love your mother, but because she was a neat human being. She was funny, thoughtful, honest, respectful. I appreciate that she encouraged me to be my own person, make my own mistakes, make my own experiences. She always seemed to know when to treat me like an adult, and when I needed my mommy. I could walk around in this world confidently, because I knew she was right behind me. I didn't have to look. It makes me sad that my kids will never know their grandma.

I was thinking about how much time work will take away from me seeing my kids each week. It was kind of bothering me. They'll have time with their other mum, so it's not like they'll be in day care 45 hours a week, but I'll be working full time. I never believed I'd say this in a million zillion years, but I'd be a stay at home mom if I could. For someone who's identity is so wrapped up in science and profession, that's pretty woah. But then I realized: my mom worked my whole growing up too. She even had to work every other weekend, so I might have only seen her for a handful of hours a day, and yet she left her mark on my life every day we spent on this earth together.

I was always a person with an odd dichotomy: I am adventurous in the outside world, I'll jump off of things, climb things, travel without itineraries, try anything; on the inside world, I need routines, same foods (yes, Lady Jane, shut up), same tv or movies, and this: when I was a little girl, from the time I was about 6 to about 12ish I called down the following to my mom after being sent to bed:
Mom,
Don't forget to tuck me in,
If you do, I'll bite your shoe,
And that won't tickle.

The fact that I'm a dork is already well established. I wonder though, what kinds of silly routines my boys and I will have.